IPW "ANIMOSITY" 1/3/09 RESULTS!

I already posted my thoughts about a few things from this show in the Chicago Wrestling folder, but I'm a prostitute for attention, so here's the full report I wrote up on the ChikaraFans board...

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First off, playing football games on a TV during indie shows is SO dumb. I understand giving scores if it's a big playoff game like this, but at various points during the show, a huge chunk of the crowd was in the back, watching the Colts game on TV and ignoring the show completely. People were even paying to come in, then just sitting at the TV for the entire show. It made the show feel like this weird deal where a bunch of drunk guys are hanging out at the bar and this wrestling stuff was just noise that was making the TV hard to hear.

Also, the fans here are either REALLY awesome or really suck, depending on a case-by-case basis. You got the awesome rednecks and little kids who go nuts for everything...and then there's a section of so-called "smart" fans who sit there and either crack on the babyfaces or make awkwardly-unfunny ROH references. During Davey/Roc, one of them kept yelling stupid crap about Brent Albright that only served purpose to show that "OMG GUIZ I WATCH ROH! I IS SMART!". That group also chanted "Grizzly Redwood!" at Dave Crist during the opener, which was equally embarrassing as NO ONE got the joke (I think Grizzly & someone beat Irish Airborne at an ROH show). The most interesting case of them all was a middle-aged lesbian who was front row with her underage-looking Cyndi Lauper-meets-random middle school chick girlfriend. What makes this woman interesting is that she was a Paul Heyman impersonator. Yes, a LESBIAN PAUL HEYMAN IMPERSONATOR. The backwards ECW cap, the long duster coat, the ECW shirt, backstage passes around her neck, the waddle...I think she even only answered to the name "Paul". I don't even think it was something done for humor; I'm pretty sure she was completely serious about this deal. I've seen 1 Guy, 1 Cup and this disturbed me more than that.

Also, whichever wrestler sold his figure collection rules and I need to find out so I can blow him or something. I picked up Mabel and Yokozuna bendies from 1995, an awesomely HORRIBLE Dennis Rodman nWo figure that looks to be a repainted T-Rex, and an Ivan Koloff figure that I can't figure out what promotion or toy company put it out, for TWO DOLLARS. Two bucks. Life is good.

1. Jesse Emerson d. Tommy Chill & Bret Havok. Havok's a Billy Roc student and Chill is a chubby dude who is a big fan of Coupling and The Office, judging by the "BBC" on the back of his singlet. I first saw Emerson on NWA Anarchy TV as a job guy who kind of looked like a Southern-fried version of Steve Regal during his weeks-long babyface run in 1993 WCW before he was brought back in as Lord Steven. He was alright there, but then stood out to me on some IWA show from this past year. All I remember was that it was outside, The Best Around did a bunch of stupid stuff really fast, and Emerson was shockingly impressive as a heavyweight who hit hard in safe places and stood out from most others on the show. He's a heel here and has awesome presence and has good size (I'd say probably 6'1, 230ish). Emerson also knows how to make a production out of an entrance without doing a wacky song-and-dance show like a lot of indy guys. He looks a lot like Ted DiBiase Jr., but he outclassed the other two, who were just doing stuff and kind of falling all over the place. Emerson came off like a much better worker than the majority of the card, but just got stuck in a throw-away mess. I really would like to see Emerson get a shot with better workers on higher-profile shows, because he's shined with very lackluster opponents.

2. Cyanide d. GT Vega. GT Vega was, no joke, a bootleg Tyler Black. Like, if Tyler Black gets signed to WWE and Mattel (who'll have the license by then) makes a figure of him, then the figures that don't sell and get thrown out get in the hands of Spanish toy bootleg distributors who repaint his boots and sell them to Big Lots as generic wrestling figures, they would be GT Vega figures. Vega also had a disturbing John Cena-like protrusion in his pants after a rear waistlock that, due to the girth of Mr. Cyanide and how hard his chops were, made visions of jokes about this being a stiff match and Vega being a chubby chaser float into my head. Cyanide finished Vega with a DVD and dedicated the match to Botch. Match was a squash, whatever.

There was a ten-bell salute for Rollin Hard led by promoter Mike Williams in his usual Ian Rotten Jr. spot on the show where he talks for a long time about stuff.

3. Dave Crist d. Louis Lyndon. I think Lyndon was just in the JAPW Best of the Juniors with Amazing Red and Prince Mustafa Ali; he kind of does a Bruce Leroy gimmick. Crist spent half of the match arguing with the previously-mentioned "smart" section (emphasis on the quotations). The other half of the match had some nifty little matwork and such. The cute moment of the match occured when Lyndon did the crane pose, so Crist SWEPT THE LEG for a nearfall. Alright match, Crist talked up Lyndon after the match and put him over on the microphone.

4. Dave Davidson & Dave Allen d. Aaron Scott & Flip Kendrick. The IPW results say this was by DQ, but I seriously have no idea what happened on the finish. I believe Allen pinned Kendrick and it wasn't supposed to be the finish, but Kendrick couldn't kick out for real and the pin was counted to three. I might have gotten the participants wrong, but it was the right teams. Anyway, the match just kind of kept going and men were climbing the top rope to do dives. Then, multiple referees came out as Aaron Scott, who I believe is a Davey Richards student, went apecrap and started beating the hell out of Dave Allen with shockingly hard stuff. If it was a work, it was the dumbest work ever because a man was being hit in the face and head for real and the crowd was completely dumbfounded by a finish that looked like total amateur hour. Flip Kendrick seems to be all the stuff on the DVDVR board, but all he got to show here were some AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL strikes and a standing reverse 450 senton.

5. Sassy Stephie d. Kimberly Kash & Neveah. I hate three-ways and this was another total amateur hour deal like the ending to the last match. Neveah moves around alright, but the rest was just stuff. There was a lungblower by someone and Neveah had a DNA stripe on the side of her pants. That's about as much as I can remember.

6. CJ Otis d. Carlton Kaz to win the IPW Mid-American Belt. Carlton Kaz is good when he's not trying to work one of these wacky new-age indy matches. Unfortunately, CJ Otis was all Japany like always, so the mesh ended up being a lot of holds in a match that seemed like it would never, ever end. This gave me time to notice how AWFUL Greg Carey, Kaz's manager, is. Like, the guy has to have some sort of attention issue because he could not shut the hell up at ringside and trying to take attention away from the match. He looks exactly like Richard Karn, but that doesn't save him from being talentless.

7. "Quick" Carter Grey d. Aaron Williams via DQ in a IPW Jr. Title match. Grey wasn't exactly nutty-crazy-super high flier like he usually is, but he did the new nuttiest thing I've ever seen in my life. At one point, he set up a chair in the ring, and as he stood up on it, the chair started to bend under his weight. Somehow, he used this non-functional base to do a PHOENIX 630 SENTON. I pooped my pants. The match was ehh; I hate matches where high fliers don't know how to work heel, so they constantly tease cool stuff and then pause and do chinlocks. It's SO 2000. Also, Williams needs to either get a new hairstyle or drop the frog splash, because the way he does it and with his look, it reeks of him being an RVD mark. The finish was Grey's manager (who totally looks like one of those greeters at a convenience store who isn't there because they're elderly, if you get my drift) swung a chair at Williams while the referee was distracted by "Pure Dynamite" Justin Andrews (Grey's stablemate and student of Billy Roc's, who defeated Roc for the nickname last month), but missed and hit Grey. The manager threw the chair at Williams, Williams caught it, the referee turned around, and Williams was DQ'd. They're rematching this next month in a No-DQ affair.

8. Jake Crist d. Dustin Rayz. The show picked up here. This is proof that, within the right context, the athletic, indy-style matches with the near-falls and cool moves can get over in front of any crowd and be really fun. Up to this point on the show, for the most part, the matches were either REALLY slow or sloppy. It didn't hurt things that the stuff going on was really crisp. Rayz was the best I've ever seen him in the few matches I've seen of his, and I'm surprised he hasn't at least gotten an ROH dark match in the Midwest, considering they're using more local guys in smaller spots now. He needs more of a character and to carry himself more like someone important, but from bell to bell, he's impressive for a guy that no one's heard of.

9. Faith in Nothing DDQ Hillbilly Jedd & Osyris. Christian Faith wrestled Tim Donst at Chikara's Young Lions Cup this year and Jedd has worked for IWA Mid-South before. Sadly, the dude's somehow gotten fatter and dirtier since then. Osyris is a gigantic African-American fellow (Faith's a big guy by indy standards, probably 6'2 or 6'3 and a thick boy, and Osyris has at least 2-3 inches (if not even more) on him and 50-60 pounds and moves extremely well for his size. I was disappointed in this because Jedd & Osyris totally didn't work like a monster team like they should've and, considering how immobile Jedd was, him working a regular tag match as a heel was not good times. Nothing else was really notable here other than Faith looking like he was afraid to touch anyone with his strikes. Big O is another dude who should be getting bigger opportunities in other places.

10. Davey Richards d. Billy Roc. Best heat of the night. Worked face-face with Davey as a subtle heel, as the crowd was 90-10 Billy (the moron "smart mark" section was blowing their load over a OMG REALZ ROH GUY!). I know Davey's known for hard striking, but he was hitting Billy SO hard here that I wanted to grab him by the cheeks like my grandma did to me as a child and tell him, "It ain't a shoot man." It's cool to hit hard in safe spots, but at one point, Davey kicked Billy as hard as he could in the fold of the elbow. THAT was a dick move. The near-falls were super-heated, though the finish was kinda goofy, thanks to young David. He pulls Billy, who'd been beaten to a pulp throughout the match, up to his feet, says "You have a lot of heart, you know?" almost like they were having a conversation, then hits a second D.R. Driver (Billy kicked out of one right before this) for the win. The aftermath, and please don't don't don't b*tch about me comparing something on an independent show to the best moment in wrestling history since it was nowhere close, but this was pretty much the Ric Flair Ceremony of Midwestern Indpendent Wrestling. At least 20-25 guys in the crowd were various indie workers who had either never worked for IPW or hadn't worked there in a long, long time who just came to give thanks to Billy Roc. The entire locker room emptied and kneeled down in front of Billy. Either the IPW roster's filled with fantastic actors or there were a lot of people who were very, very sad that Billy Roc was leaving pro wrestling. I'm voting towards the latter. The entire building, including the guys who pretty much just showed up and watched football the whole time, walked in closer to ringside and gave him a long standing ovation. Various people gave really nice little speeches paying homage to Roc, including promoter Mike Williams giving him a plaque commemorating his spot as the nicest human being in all of pro wrestling. Billy then got the microphone and, being as humble as he is, thanked his wife for putting up with his love of wrestling and then turned the attention away from himself to the main event, putting over Drake Younger & Jon Moxley. This really should have gone on last since the crowd, other than brief moments, never came back up from this for the main event.

11. Jon Moxley d. Drake Younger in a dog-collar match for the IPW Heavyweight Title. People have been talking about him a bit lately, but this is the first full Moxley match I've seen since his lackluster run in Chikara in 2006. He has improved IMMENSELY since then, becoming a one-hundred percent completely different wrestler. I don't think there's one thing about the guy that's the same as the long-haired Triple Hcito that ran through Chikara a couple of years ago. Everything from his facials to the way he moves around the ring to his look to the way he carries himself have all changed and improved so much. Personally, I think Drake is SUPER hit-and-miss, with a lot more missing than hitting. But, I thought this match, in terms of heated indy brawls, was one of the better ones I've seen in a while. Like a lot of indy stuff, you could tell they were aping stuff they'd seen on tapes (mostly Tully/Magnum I Quit and the Piper/Valentine dog-collar matches), but they threw in enough new stuff at seemingly the right times to not just show off how cool their tape collection is. They also used their big bumps sparingly and smartly. Off the top of my head, I remember Moxley taking a header over the top rope after throwing Drake out, dragging Moxley by the chain with him that was totally insane, but out of nowhere so people went nuts for it. They built to two big bumps at the end: a Drake's Landing through a chair and Drake taking a faceplant into thumbtacks, and they built both but also brought them in suddenly enough to catch the audience off-guard and get the maximum reaction to it. Unfortunately, those were the only moments where the crowd really came up, as the reaction to Billy Roc's goodbye was too big to do anything but tire them out for anything else. But with a feud behind it culminating in this on any other show, they would've had the crowd wrapped up in it. I was not a fan of Drake walking out under his own power after since a great, violent brawl where Moxley murderized him with the finish, but other than that, I don't have a lot of complaints about what I thought was honestly one of the best Drake Younger brawls I've seen in a long time (keep in mind that I'm usually not a fan of his deathmatch stuff; this had deathmatch elements but was totally a heated, more traditional brawl than those). Moxley is a really good brawler and has great intensity. He also kind of looks like Heath Ledger as The Joker when his face is covered in blood, which is neat. Moxley is a dude that I'll be really sad if he doesn't break out in 2009, as he's a talented brawler with a dynamic character and good presence. Would have been the best IPW match I've seen since the first Quack/Roc match from 2006 if it weren't for the crowd being dead tired, and Moxley's now a new favorite of mine.

My last issue with the show was how long it went. It started a little before 7 PM and went until right after 11 PM. Groups like Ring of Honor go four hours and it's tiring. IPW doesn't exactly boast a roster comparable overall, so that makes it even worse. But, one thing I will put over is how stuff was built up throughout the show. The first half of the show, as boring as it got at points due to guys just putting on holds instead of just working simpler matches, didn't have the big near-falls and huge moves outside of Carter Grey's deal, which stood out. But, because there wasn't a match on the first half like Rayz/Crist or Roc/Davey (and those were spaced out to not be back-to-back), the crowd was up for those more than usual. The only weapon used prior to the main event was a weak chairshot by a manager, so the wild brawling and thumbtacks in Drake/Moxley worked.

Overall, it was a completely draining experience because of the length of the show and how blah the first seven matches were at times, but the second half had three stand-out matches and I'm becoming a big fan of Jesse Emerson and Jon Moxley.

I need to see a picture of this LESBIAN PAUL HEYMAN IMPERSONATOR!!!

Boys...Nikki "Heyman" ENJOY!

Haha, no, she doesn't work for IPW. I think she's friends with referee Brandon Tol or Shawn Matthews...or whatever he's calling himself these days, and some of the other Ohio guys.